Learning to swim in Chennai
Loading ...Regular readers of my blog know of my desperate attempts to learn to swim. After two terms of learning how to the Brit way and shelling out a whopping £ 95, I still did not feel confident enough to let go of my woggle and the flat floats. Deciding that the Indian brute force approach is the key to jolt me out of my safety zone, I signed up for some swimming lessons locally. (This also had the advantage of providing me with an easy excuse to skive off visits to the Inlaws’ joint, pleading lessons on the morrow and/or fatigue!)
My first view of a swimming pool local to me, i.e, R.A.Puram was shocking, to say the very least. The pool, after my luxurious, 50 meters length leisure centre pool, was a tiddly nothing! Plus, it was a weird L-shaped one, with nary a space for two bodies to float without getting an elbow or a foot in the others’ face. To add to it all, the sight of a patron taking a ‘shower’ by filling a dinky plastic bucket to the brim and upending it made my mind up for me – I beat a hasty retreat before the ‘instructor’ could tell me to shell out the required dough.
A thorough search and several visits later, I found a pool that was just what it was – a swimming pool. Don’t laugh at my description and wonder what else can a pool be. Loads of apartment blocks nowadays boast of a proper pool and in an effort to make it a self-paying option, get hold of an instructor and invite strangers to take a dip in their pool and learn the art of swimming. But a prior experience of such a joint has put me off it for life – the said apartments will all be lined up in a perfect rectangle, around the pool and all the maamis and aunties of the household would just camp out in their balconies in the evenings, looking at the various folks in ill-fitted swimming wear and pass comments regarding the bellies and other assorted parts of the anatomy. As I had no desire to become the evening timepass for the ladies of the nearby buildings, I signed up with this slightly out of the way but ‘what it says on the tin’ swimming pool joint.
One of the first thing I learned when I went to sign up was that the woman’s monthly cycle is a well-known and debated topic. Catching sight of ‘Pool rule #2: LADIES WILL NOT GET INTO THE POOL DURING THEIR MENSTRUAL PERIOD’ shocked the shit out of me. WTF?! I was swiftly brought back to earth by mater hissing something about the non-tamponed desi junta and I politely zipped it, mentally thinking it is no one else’s biz when I bleed.
The next shocker was when I actually went in for my first lesson and caught sight of the bodies floating in the pool – they were all frocked and tight-ed so much so not a bit of their skin was to be seen! Flippin’ ‘eck! Instantly it made me, in my Debenhams swimming cozzie, feel like yesteryear glamour artiste Anuradha, her of the thunder thighs and sleeveless outfits fame. Though I did not relish the walk of shame, I did the same mind trick I do whenever I go in for the ignominious pap smear tests – I pretended I was on a sunny beach somewhere and scooted underwater as soon as humanly possible.
If I thought the gentleman sitting in the corner was the lifeguard, I was wrong – he turned out to be the instructor. He wasted no time in recruiting the girl doing a porpoise routine to show me 1. how to put on the flotation ring 2. how to do the arm movements for breast stroke. S’s fears of the swimming masters getting into the pool to grope the women are unfounded after all!
It was day 4 today – so far, all the women I’ve met in the pool are big; have massive weight problems; have signed onto at least one gym; are desperate to lose weight – whether they are married maamis or college girls. But every single of them gladdened my heart and became free lifetime members of my fan club by going ‘you have a five-year old son? unbelievable! I thought you are a college girl!’
Yeah baby!
[For a complete list of swimming coaching centers available in your local area, check out JustDial.com]
Hi Desi.
already I am dreading the heat and other things etcetara etcetara:))))))))))))))
and now yr post. !
God give you patience and determination to sail thru.
couldn’t help laughing at the lines abt Maamis of Madras.
save me save you.Blessed Chennai.!!
lovely post.:))
Thanks Revathi! You also have the singular honour of being my first visitor in my newly designed, remodelled home. So, welcome, welcome!
Swimming – oh god! Don’t get me started now. I had words with the ‘management’ today – the instructor had bunked for the second day today and floundering about the pool all by myself, with a heart full of fear is not what I want to do first thing in the morning! I hope they don’t take it out on me by giving me a faulty float tomorrow!! Oops!
Hilarious. I didn’t think it was going to be easy learning swimming in India, especially for a girl. I am glad that those overweight women are doing something about it. I know too many people in India who refuse to take care of their bodies.
Is it my feeling or do you feel it too, that there is a growing weight problem in India and nobody is taking note of it?
Hmm, I think there is a lot of awareness regarding people’s ballooning weight problems. The increasing number of gyms that come complete with diet advisors and the front page articles about junk food etc. There are lot more Yoga centres now in the city than there were a scant year and half ago. So, even though the number of fast food outlets is on the rise, I somehow feel that diet and exercise has a healthy hold on the people too.
Hello, desigirl,
I zipped over from Amrita’s and am starting to go through your archives. Before I lose my train of thought, I have to comment on the management’s menstruation policy.
I thought one couldn’t bleed in the pool, with water naturally clogging the orifices and so on.
So now your entire class and the male instructor knows the next time you don’t show up for the whole week because you’re “not at home”?
That’ll give the maamis and aunties something more to talk about.
Well, terri, i thought the same re the ‘away days’ but the management thinks otherwise. Funnily enough, it was a she!
Thank you for dropping in!
hey desi,
iam wondering whether to pity you or these homocidal phsyco chennai people.its really hard to change their outlook.especially all those mammi’s and gossiping gang of ladies.i just drooped by, while checking for swimming class for myself.u scared me.hehe….newaz can you let me know if u know any really good swimming class near adayar r kotturpuram.
btw am neither one of those bloating population of chennai nor those col chics checking out for fitness crap.am way too held up in col and i need a break.my friend came up wit swimming idea.if u cud help me i wud be really happy.
thanks.
anu
The one I went to – well, the instructor did a bunk after day 5 and that was that! And this was on the ECR, near Thiruvanmiyur. My suggestion is JustDial.com, Anu.
ps: Why would you pity me? I had a whale of a time, gossiping away!
hey desi,
can you tell which swimming pool you were in? are there any good ones not far from Parrys-Egmore?
thanks.
v
Er, you’d have better luck trying Just Dial or some other uptodate resource. I went to one on the ECR and am clueless about what happens elsewhere in the city.
Nice Post.
lefthandmagic@gmail.com
Nice and usefull post…
was searching for swimming class..but after reading this i guess i gotto to rethink about my decision
God save chennai
i bumped into your blog cause i was googling swimming classes in india when i visit in summer….hmmm… if its not women in madisars then its prepy old white women sipping tea…no offense but it seems to me that you have a tolerance level eqivalent to a chipmunk ready to pounce on a nut… i think it needs some maturity to embrace and love different cultures… i love the heat and the maamis…its home… its funny how some people get cynical just cause they took a flight…hehe//// i think the biggest lesson people need to learn is adaptability… !! CHEERS!
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