Everyone has a favourite song. Couples have their own “couple’s song”, a bar of which triggers powerful harmone-induced reactions in them. Inspired by the movies, most families have a kudumba paatu, mainly so estranged members of the family can find each other in situations like Trade Fair, Ideal Home exhibition etc.

Me, I have a whole soundtrack to my life. Let it not be said I do anything by halves!

This is highly unintentional though. For the past week or so, my ears have been constantly assautled by Channel Five, day and night. I am not hearing things – well, I am but not in that way. My neighbour upstairs has, for some strange reason, been watching the telly with the volume on FULL and nothing I do has made him change his mind about the decibel level.

I can hear the programmes perfectly when I am in my lounge, kitchen, bedroom, loo – you get the pic. Before anyone asks, we have tried to tell him of our displeasure at this radio effect we are being subjected to, willy nilly. But no amount of banging on the door, and of late, the ceiling, has had much of an effect. I wake up at 6.00 AM everyday to the tune of ‘Milkshake……’. (well, going to sleep in the first case has become well nigh impossible!)

S if of the mind that the chap has died and left the telly on. I disagree. It has been almost a week now and our noses haven’t been assaulted with a ‘bad smell’ – yet. The bloke has pulled similar stunts before but every time, furious banging on his door has brought him, along with the plaster on the ceiling, down and he had sheepishly complied.

But not this time.

I still think the chap might have gone on a bender last weekend and hasn’t come out of the other end yet. But my only question is, why Channel 5?

So, who has any bright ideas about how to shut this bloke up? First decent suggestion gets a Freeview box!

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